My Choice. My Move.

I’ve heard 2020 referred to as, “the great revealer.” For those with the eyes to see it (pun intended), 2020 has given us the opportunity for 20/20 vision – greater clarity of the true condition of our world, nation, society, government, economy, friendships… even ourselves. Crisis has a way of doing that. With so many “normal” things having been removed from our day-to-day, we’ve been forced to take a hard look at things, re-evaluate their value and, possibly, gain a new appreciation for what we once had (even the smallest of things). I can’t count how many times I have said, “If you would have told me this time last year that I wouldn’t be able to _________, I wouldn’t have believed you.”

It does feel like we’re living out a dystopian novel. What has been “revealed” in 2020 feels mostly unpretty or, at the very least, unwanted… and definitely frustrating. Starting a new year, we’re all emphatically saying, “Good riddance to 2020!” Thing is, deep down inside we all know – the calendar flipping into 2021 isn’t going to initiate some magical process that will make everything better. [insert sigh] Having counted down at midnight, kissed our spouse (or significant other), toasted and sipped our celebrative drink, calling it a night, and crawling into bed, we’ve woken up in a new year, pretty much the same people we were “last year.” You know, THAT year. The one we want to desperately forget.

What if, we shouldn’t forget?  Now… before you close this blog or post something nasty about me over social media, hear me out. What if we should take note of “the great reveal” of 2020, particularly that which we might have discovered and learned about ourselves, through the pain? On August 29, 2014, I read something by Wayne Cordeiro that blew my mind, so much so that I posted a picture from the book I was reading on my Instagram account that day. It read, “Pain is inevitable. Misery is not. You see, pain is a result of loving deeply and living fully. Misery, on the other hand, is a result of living without reflecting and trying to forge our future without insight.” We can all admit it, 2020 has been pretty painful. 2021 might be too, but it doesn’t have to be miserable, if we forge it with insight.

“ Pain is inevitable. Misery is not. You see, pain is a result of loving deeply and living fully. Misery, on the other hand, is a result of living without reflecting and trying to forge our future without insight. ” — Wayne Cordeiro

What insights have you gained about yourself in 2020? Something I have come to recognize in myself and have seen others wrestling with is: Initiative. The COVID outbreak didn’t just bring a pandemic virus. It also brought a pandemic of closures, unanticipated endings, changes and cancellations of plans, even death. While the world has been seeking immunity for a devastating sickness, we’ve experienced, first-hand, that no one has been immune from the impact on their day-to-day living. What we once readily participated in, even without much consideration, has taken a hit. Going to a school campus. Getting together with a friend at a coffee shop. Worshipping with others in church. Exercising at the gym. Going on a date. Taking in a smile. Shaking someone’s hand. Cheering with fans in a stadium or on the sideline of your kid’s game. Going to a movie theater, concert or play. I could list dozens and dozens of more examples, but I will refrain. [insert sigh, again] I don’t know about you but, through all of this loss, I have felt depressed, lethargic, even paralyzed of sorts. If COVID, and all the accompanying madness, were a weather system, you could say that, in certain significant areas, I have boarded up the windows to wait out the storm. Problem is, all of this has proven to not just be a passing system, but a new climate of sorts with no clear ending. I am left with one of two decisions, two important questions, about my life: Do I (1) postpone indefinitely or (2) initiate differently?

“A wise person chooses the right road; a fool takes the wrong one.”

- Ecclesiastes 10:2 (NLT)

It’s a fact… the normal rhythms of life have been radically and significantly disrupted, leaving me with a pretty profound, “So now what?” moment. It’s true… I can’t do friendships, exercise, church, romance, entertainment, leisure, etc., etc. the way I used to. I’m not going to lie. I can’t have it the way I want, the way I’d prefer… and I hate it. I now have to choose – postpone or initiate? I can live in isolation and let my friendships die OR use Zoom (again!) to stay connected, giving and receiving the blessing of relationship. I can allow my health to fall into serious decline OR learn new ways to exercise at home with apps, bands, free weights, treadmill, or a walk around the block. I can atrophy in my relationship with God and faith community OR make my church’s livestream or impractical in-person gathering (that requires me to register to attend!) a weekly priority. I can grow apart from my wife OR learn new ways to love and be attentive to her while we are “stuck at home”. I can medicate my sadness, depression and frustration with toxic and elicit social media and shows OR find ways to have fun that reinforce the person I want to truly be.

The choice is mine.

Postpone or initiate?

It’s my move.

Hello 2021.

Things might not be all that different.

But I will be.

Photo by JOSHUA COLEMAN on Unsplash