I am capable.
A few years back, hours after eating an amazing lunch of Indian food with an equally amazing friend, I found myself curled in a ball writhing in excruciating agony, contemplating (in between pain episodes) the pros and cons of going into the ER. Ends up, though it was a fantastic culinary and relational experience, my highly flavorful meal from earlier did the trick in exposing the fact that my gall bladder wasn’t ok. Thirty-six hours later, I found myself in the hospital undergoing a Laparoscopic Cholecystectomy (aka “gall bladder removal surgery”) - an outpatient surgical procedure that involves several small incisions. As a historically healthy guy, surgery was a first for me (I don’t put wisdom teeth in the same category!) and I was very thankful that losing this small organ no longer requires a large 5-to-7-inch cut and an overnight hospital stay.
They prepped me and then wheeled me into the surgery room, where I was greeted by the surgical team playing loud, up-beat music and the statement, “So, you’re a pastor?!” In this unexpectedly playful environment, I was then asked to count backwards from 10. I think I made it to 7, and I was out. The surgery lasted less than an hour and I was then wheeled into a recovery area. When I woke up, they propped me up, and promptly asked me to get my bearings and take a stroll around the hospital floor, to get my body going. So, with my wife’s hand steadying me, I slowly and groggily stood up and began my slow walk. It was then that I noticed a new accessory item on my wrist - a bright yellow bracelet with a two-word message in all caps, “FALL RISK.” It was a reminder to me, and to those around me, that my condition warranted an awareness of my capability of falling. As such, for the foreseeable future, I would need to be mindful of what I was doing, how I was doing it and if I should be doing it. An hour or so later, I was assisted out to my car in a wheelchair, hobbled into the passenger seat, and began the 25-minute ride home where I would spend the next five days recovering, thankful that I would never have to feel that crazy pain again.
“ …for the foreseeable future, I would need to be mindful of what I was doing, how I was doing it and if I should be doing it. ”
Flash forward to today… I have recently taken steps to consider some new possibilities in my career and calling that have me processing and asking, “Who is Jonathan? What am I capable of?” In looking to answer that, and like so many before me, I’ve been working on my resumé and LinkedIn profile to list my experience, education and skills. This concerted effort has been to quantify my capabilities in order to share a bit of who I am and what I have to offer, so that interested parties might consider what I could possibly do with/for them.
As I ponder the days ahead, am excited for what could be. The future is wide open. My hope is that my collective experience, coupled with what I am capable of, will translate into something fruitful and beautiful (for me, my family and those I find myself co-laboring with). But it also has me thinking, reflecting on the past, considering the message of that yellow bracelet. In championing, and hopefully employing, what I am capable of, I need to be mindful of what I am capable of. Let me explain. My efforts to articulate, promote and live out of the reservoir of what I have learned, done, experienced, gained, and earned in my 48 years of life (personally & professionally), what makes me capable to be and do what I believe I’ve been made for, could all be lost in one moment, one bad decision. It was true after my surgery, but it’s also true for every day of my life, if I am honest. As a human being with strengths, weaknesses (and everything in between), I need to be aware of and mindful of what I am doing, how I am doing it and if I should be doing it. I am a FALL RISK.
“ …what makes me capable to be and do what I believe I’ve been made for, could all be lost in one moment, one bad decision. ”
What could make me fall? Though it may look different for others, risk for me includes (but is not limited to): what/who has my attention and affection (and not), what I am consuming, what comforts me, how I process challenges (sadness, grief, disappointment), what motivates me, what is a priority, how live out my commitments (health, relationships, faith). Self-awareness matters. Why? The cost is too high. Prevention of a fall is FAR better and FAR less costly than recovery. It is worth my commitment.
As I have been working on my resumé and getting ready for what is next, I can see how the challenges and experiences of my past have been profoundly shaping and empowering. Thing is, going forward, I could easily misshape and dis-empower my future, sabotaging myself and those my life touches, ruining what I am capable of, if I disregard, minimize or choose to be inauthentic about what I am capable of (if you know what I mean).
How about you?
“Pride goes before destruction, and haughtiness before a fall.” Proverbs 16:18 (NLT) Emphasis Added
“The wise are cautious and avoid danger; fools plunge ahead with reckless confidence.” Proverbs 14:16 (NLT)
Read about how I work at not falling in my marriage.